After having four interviews at four different schools, I received my fourth rejection email last night. Immediately upon opening it and seeing the words, “our school has selected two other candidates for our available positions,” I hit a brick wall. Rejection, confusion, and discouragement swam around in the air. Tears leaked out of my eyes. My husband tried to kiss me but I pushed him away, wanting nothing. Nothing my own sadness and feelings of defeat. Fingers shaking and eyes blurred, I stumbled around the kitchen to finish cooking the spaghetti. We ate dinner with minimal conversation, my husband trying to lift me up with his words. Although I appreciated it, I just didn’t want to hear it. I suppose I wanted to believe that I really wasn’t good enough to be hired as a teacher. A soft blanket and a favorite movie was all I wanted. We watched Benny and Joon underneath a fleece blanket that reeked from being in the closet too long. I went to bed in a slightly better mood but still couldn’t shake the tears once the lights turned off.
Six o’ clock woke me up with gray skies, harsh winds, lightning, and the rain swirling around in circles on the rooftops across from my window. I slowly went through my morning routine, wondering what today was going to bring. Today wasn’t a day I dreaded, actually, but a day where I wanted to see what was next. Where to go from here? Will I get another phone call? Will any school want me?
I drove to work in the rain. The music played as it always did. Then a song came on that I’d never heard before. I glanced at my phone to see what it was called. “Praise You in this Storm” by Casting Crowns. At the stoplight, I looked up the lyrics. Oh how so appropriate for what I was feeling that day, along with the rain. Just perfect. It was what I needed to hear to remind me that God has a plan. I need to count on him. He will bring me where He needs me to be.