I know I’ve been quiet with updates.
Truth be told, I’m kind of in a slump. I was hired at my new job over a month ago, but haven’t started work yet because the background check from IL has yet to arrive. So, I’m waiting.
I read some books, did some writing, played a lot of Sims 3 (eek — something I’m kind of ashamed to admit — and I really want the Sims 4, eek), watched The Office, cleaned, hung out with all the animals, and occasionally drove to town for library books & errands. I started knitting again a few days ago and baked a yummy apple crisp. Sounds exciting, huh? And not really productive. I’ve kind of been kicking myself for not making ‘better use of this time,’ but really, what is there for me to do that I haven’t been doing?
Don’t get me wrong — I am really enjoying being here and have the support I need. I love this beautiful land and have been delighting in the cooler weather these days. Autumn is my favorite and I’m incredibly excited for the fall beauty that will take over the Bluegrass. But, too much rest isn’t good for me.
Oh, there are so many projects around the RV/land that I’d love to tackle! Now that it’s September, even setting up an autumn porch scene would be marvelous. However, our finances are tight (mainly because of my job delay), so all the projects are on hold.
Waiting, waiting, waiting . . . .
Then, on Friday afternoon, I was walking out my front door with my [dirty] laundry bag slung over my shoulder when I slipped on the [RV] steps and — all in slow motion, of course — fell, hitting my back on the steps. The laundry scattered across the ground and I was kneeling there, covered in dirt and crying in pain. A second later, the mailperson drove by, put mail in the mailbox, and drove off, completely missing me. I got up, unable to bend over and pick up the laundry, and walked slowly to Jordan’s, where we proceeded to go to the ER. Three hours later, after X-Rays and a CT scan, the doctor found that I simply cracked one of the ‘wings’ of a lower vertebrae, thus causing some severe muscle pain. Only time, pain meds (of which I’ve only needed to take twice), prayer (thanks for the reminder, Amy!) and rest will heal. I guess God wants me to keep resting and waiting. A reason for everything, right?
And, this might be too much information, but I’ve had some serious burning issues while urniating since Friday night, so I went back to the ER (Kyle insisted) last night to check on that and make sure it wasn’t kidney-related (near the injured area). After waiting a total of six hours and doing a chemical-dye CT scan test thing (they injected a dye into my bloodstream, which felt incredibly strange and warm), it showed up as a simple UTI. That’s good, I suppose. I picked up my antibiotics for that.
Hopefully, I’m good and won’t be having any more health/body issues for awhile. I had a painful respiratory infection a few weeks ago that kept me in bed for a few days, which we suspect has weakened my immune system. It’s odd — I don’t normally get sick or injured, but things just keep happening lately. Thank God for the state health insurance that I have. [And essential oils!] Whew.
So…., that said, I’ve been feeling defeated.
Weak. Constantly in the waiting.
I’m in pain. I’m not working. I’m sitting around too much. I’m unmotivated. It’s not good for my soul.
Then I read this somewhere online this morning:
“….Instead of just always being positive and that positivity being fake, we must also embrace the negative. In fact, it is when we give voice and healing to the negative thoughts, emotions and situations in our lives that we transform. When we choose to stare at negativity and pain and embrace them as lessons, we begin to shift and change. […] We can turn fear, toxicity and negativity into a positive and joyful outcome when we realize that they are teachers and not final outcomes.”
And this on my bible app today:
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” –-Romans 8:26
I recognize that I am in a momentary phase of weakness; I have negative thoughts and emotions and that’s OK. These ‘blah’ feelings help me grow and lead to greater appreciation for the positive thoughts and emotions that I cherish. I will heal and become stronger. Until that happens, I actually need to embrace this lack of strength — through more prayer, meditation, connections, and rest, no matter how tired I am of the rest & waiting. I will be fine, and will shine again in due time. Every storm runs out of rain.
I guess the point of this post is to let you know that not everything is sunshine and roses. There’s been hard moments, more than just what I shared. And if even if it all was easy sunshine, wouldn’t that be just a little bit boring? There’s been some bumps, and more bumps are waiting for us ahead. It’s life.
How about some photos that show the joyful moments these days? 🙂
On a final note, remember Judy, the baby duckling? Turns out it’s a Jude… and he’s grown so fast! Isn’t he beautiful? The baby chickens have also changed quickly (we still don’t know the genders), and three new ducklings have hatched in the past few days. Baby animals make me squeal. Hehe. I am also getting quite accustomed to the chickens and their oddball personalities. They make me laugh. A lot. Sometimes it gets quite annoying when the rooster crows under our trailer (its very loud), though. Oh, that rooster.