It is with a heavy heart that I type out this post.
No one has died or been injured. Everyone in my life is healthy and well. I am thankful.
I thought I would be writing something completely different — a post about one of my dreams finally coming to fruition. After all, isn’t that the best kind of post to write/read?
However, this post is quite the opposite. Its about deterred dreams.
My husband and I really want a tiny house. The past couple months, we’ve focused on connecting more with others, preparing for tiny house, and speaking with tiny house companies. We were excited to find a fantastic company to design and build our tiny house shell. As we were going over a contract during the past weekend and getting ready to write our first check for them, our loan co-signer backed out.
Without a co-signer/backer, we cannot get a loan. No loan means no tiny house right now.
Although we can afford to live in a tiny house and pay as we go, our savings are so small that we can’t pay for the costs up front. This is the reason for seeking a loan. We would rather pay off a small loan towards ownership than rent towards nothing. We do not want to wait a couple more years to save as we are feeling pulled towards more changes in the near future. Due to my lack of credit (I have no credit cards, paid for everything I’ve ever owned with cash, I have no debt, I don’t have much in my name — I’m actually quite proud of myself for living this way) and my husband’s not-so-good-credit (he also doesn’t have a credit card or debt), we can’t get a loan on our own. Businesses would rather give financial support to people who buy more than they can spend. Funny how that works.
We cannot do tiny house right now. Probably not for a couple more years.
It breaks my heart to write that.
We have rented for the last three years (that’s it!? after living in five different apartments together, it feels like much longer) — three years’ worth of rent is more than enough to complete a tiny house. I do not want to throw my money away anymore. I want our money to go towards something. A home. Something we own. And I don’t want to be paying it off for the next thirty years.
The ironic thing is that we can do is buy a regular house — which costs more. Banks and lenders recognize those. Our families have been pushing for us to get a “regular’ house for years and will back us on that. Part of me is OK with this idea (considering we could flip a foreclosed home and use the sale profits), but it isn’t what we want. Deep in my heart, I know I will not be happy in a “regular” house.
We could buy an RV — at least we can get financing that way and build up credit. But that’s just money gone. While I really do want to live in an RV, I don’t want to live in one that will be parked. It seems it might be more of a hassle to attempt RV living with our current jobs, finances, etc. It’s an avenue we need to keep researching.
Or we could wait and watch our money disappear with every rent check we write.
I’m scared that if we don’t do the tiny house now, it will never happen. I’m scared that we’ll have kids, they’ll grow too much, years will pass, and tiny house will need to be postponed. I’m worried life will get in the way. I’m terrified at the thought of being stuck in something I have been trying to avoid. I’m so tired of being pushed to live other people’s lives. Sigh.
I am well aware that not everyone gets what they want. I am aware that people live on the streets because they can’t afford a place to sleep. I know some people rent their whole lives. I know we have a good place to live. But we don’t want to stay. We want to move on towards the life we want. I don’t want to wait until its too late.
I am heartbroken. I feel so defeated. I feel like I’m letting other people down too. We have talked about this for years. We have said “it’s happening” so many times. And it isnt’? I’m tired of all these barriers. Why are so many people trying to stop us? Why can’t we just have the little home we want? It’s not much.
Is it wrong of me to feel this way? Am I being too selfish?
We are facing these options right now:
- Magically acquire a personal loan on our own for tiny house.
- Purchase an RV, live in it (parked), save up money, then do the tiny house.
- Buy a foreclosed home, flip it, sell it for more, using the money to build tiny house.
- Continue to rent. I do not want to do this anymore.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Any glimmer of hope?
We are not giving up yet. Something good will come from this barrier. Something. Right?