Today started off great! Woke up early, did some writing, and ran to Starbucks on my way to work to get my belated free drink (thank you, Gold Card rewards!) — a double dirty venti soy Chai tea latte. The morning was smooth, with the exception of a misbehaving student (which didn’t even faze me) and a nasty bump on my chin after another student jumped up with excitement when I was reaching over (it didn’t faze him).
Then I heard something negative about me at work. It’s the second time something like that has been said about me this year. I spent the rest of the afternoon over-thinking my actions and worrying what people thought of me while a student threw endless objects at my head. At the end of the day, I went to speak with the principal and found out that I did not get the job I interviewed for yesterday. When I walked back in the classroom to gather my things and leave, I checked my email and opened up a nasty email from a stranger at my church who had contacted me out the blue because a friend of mine had told him to contact me.
I know I’m not perfect. I have things thrown at me nearly every day. I haven’t gotten every job I’ve interviewed for. I’ve been on the receiving end of hateful words before. None of this was new to me, and many people have tougher adversities in their lives. But for some reason, it just hit me in the gut. All I wanted to do was cry. So I did, while sitting on that classroom floor with the phone in my hands. Then I packed up, got in my car, and went home.
I made the decision not to go to my favorite yoga class, nor my volunteer shift at the food pantry. Normally, when someone feels down, working out and surrounding themselves with happy people (especially those serving God) is a great choice. But today… I chose not to.
Many people comment on how positive I am. They love what I write, they love my mindset, and so forth. I take pride in my general attitude towards life. But some days — like today — it is exhausting! Some days I just want to wear all black and curl up on the couch and watch my favorite ‘dark’ films. I believe it’s OK to allow a down day to give us rest and make us appreciate the good days.
So today, I do choose to let the little things affect me. Just for a couple hours.
I am thankful that most days aren’t like this.
Tomorrow, I’ll be just fine. Tonight, I’ve got tears, wine, and cupcakes. And cats.